Here’s a little story about a boy so young, fragile and frail,
I hate himself with a constant reminder living through shame.
My emotions fill a page full of tears as I write,
Chills running down my spine, a confused memory and fuzzy sight.
You took your insecurities and made them my own,
it’s your face that still haunts me, especially when i’m alone.
It was those times that scared me the most when you’d make me stay
Punishing myself I stood in fear, allowing me to act as your prey.
You told me you wouldn’t hurt me as my eyes began to fill.
It was then my world collapsed around me and life stood still.
Your voice whispered and your movements echo the empty room,
Feeling your breath against my skin was the beginning of this first groom.
I was reluctant to take part and force soon applied,
You threats circling my mind as my hands are tied.
You used me, you abused me, you stripped away my pride.
You took no acknowledgement of the hurt I tried to hide.
Wondering when it will stop, I sat vacant and fragile,
I began to ask myself is this happening or am I going senile.
I often thought of running away or stepping onto the busy road,
My future seemed so black and dim at only eleven years old.
This isn’t what life should be, where did it all go wrong?
Something brave inside remains, but i’m unsure for how long.
After the abuse occurred, the warnings of his actions where not to be heard.
Everything was made out to be fun and games, despite the consequences,
You plagued me with gifts and I was never short of cash expenses.
Now I attempt to find me some peace,
I took my pain, I took my scars to the police.
No matter how safe I am or what anyone has said,
You may be away from the world, but you’re always in my head.
I close my eyes and an image the struggles I had to bare.
I hate that you still rule me, even though you’re not there.
I’ve found my voice and I don’t know how,
But you’ve played with my head for too long now.
I’m bigger, better and braver too,
you’re gave me problems and they’re all down to you.
I’m now an adult and you’re the guilty one.
I hope you get whatever comes, because I the survivor I have won!
– James Keenan