I FOUND MY VOICE

A poem opening up about my personal experiences of trauma.

Here’s a little story about a boy so young, fragile and frail,

I hate myself with reminders whilst living through shame.

My emotions fill a page full of tears as I write,

I feel scared and confused and see a future nowhere insight.

You took your insecurities and made them my own,

It’s your face that still haunts me, especially when i’m alone.

I was shaking and weak when you’d act out your crimes making me obey,

Punishing myself I stood in fear, allowing me to be your sexual prey.

You told me you wouldn’t hurt me as my eyes began to fill,

It was then my world collapsed around me and life stood still.

Your voice whispered and your movements echoed the empty room,

Feeling your breath against my bare skin giving you power to just assume.

I was reluctant to be your victim, but your force soon applied,

Your threats circling my mind as my hands where tightly tied.

You used me, you abused me, you stripped away my pride.

You took no acknowledgement of the hurt I had to learn how to hide.

I questioned when would it ever stop as I say so vacant and fragile,

I had to ask myself did this actually happening or was I going senile.

I often thought of running away or stepping onto the busy road,

My future seemed so black and white at only nine years old.

This isn’t what life should have been, I felt the blame for far to long,

I don’t know how brave I was to remain so incredibly strong.

You made it out to be fun and games, despite the horrid consequences,

You plagued me with money and gifts to keep me quite of your offences.

Now it’s my future in attempt to find me some inner peace,

I took my pain and opened my my scars, I reported you to the police.

I may be free from all the agony of your actions and words once said,

Your actions may stick, but now it’s time to erase you from my head.

I close my eyes and vision the struggles I once had to bare.

I hate how you controlled me, but if anything you’ve made me more aware.

What’s important is I found my voice and I don’t know how,

It’s now over twenty plus years you’ve played with my head for too long now.

I know what you did was wrong leaving the subject of abuse taboo,

My survival has made me mentally stronger and braver too.

I’ve found my voice Anthony, you’re the guilty one.

I hope you get whatever comes, because i’m the survivor, I have won!

– James Keenan

Author: James Keenan

James, 30, Northern Irish, Blogger, Inspiring Writer, Passionate in Mental Health Recovery & Suicide Prevention!

19 thoughts on “I FOUND MY VOICE”

  1. Haunting beauty…thanks so much. Reminds me to keep a forgiving heart not only of others but myself as well. Thanks so much. I have “memories” of sexual abuse, yet at such a young age…it haunts me to know they may possibly be real. God revealed one repressed memory to me; it was bad enough…one around age 3…It will happen all in His timing I suppose…of course, I have to be careful with that one…they would say I am delusional again if I spoke of it. Much love and light to you, madcow

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such a powerful poem, illustrating what a beautiful voice you have. Your words echo’d mine at times, opening up has been both cathartic and positive to me, I hope it helps you too. Huge well done for writing so honestly, I know others will gain strength from it too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’ve no idea what this means to me. Thank you so much for your positive words and your beautiful feed back. I hope to reach out to others by my blogs in hope to spread awareness in such a raw subject. Please be sure to reblog, share and keep tuned for more of my writing .

      Like

  3. Reblogged this on Theory Of Love: I struggle too and commented:
    People’s struggles are real. Talking about them helps us all push through the pain that is sometimes — sometimes — humanity. We all need to step out of our pride; our problems don’t have to isolate us, but can bring us together. If we can recognize this, then we are on a path toward true cohabitation. #TheoryOfLove #IamReal on social media.

    Liked by 1 person

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