It’s me they said.

It’a easier said than done,

Even with your Mum yelling you how much she loves her son.

It hurts most times, but takes it away,

Self harming is my method of coping, it’s just how I play.

It takes it away I said,

The pain burdening my insides, trying to think ahead.

There is days that I can jump for joy and front a smile,

When really deep down, I know I I’m going senile.

I’m hearing things and imagining stuff too,

If only you knew if the foot was on the other shoe.

I’m hurting badly and slowing dying

This isn’t attention, nor am I lying.

I’ve bags under my eyes and a swollen face,

I look to my future without a gaze.

I seen nothing but black and nothing true,

I’m empty and broken, my life is too blue.

It’s me they say, i’m still here inside,

It’s harder to believe when you’ve lost your pride.

My heart still beats, my neck still swollen,

I wish I was normal, I just want back what was stolen.

It’s my life that was taken they said,

As each tear drops, I lay on my death bed.

I know I’m not dying, but the want is there,

My lonely life strolling and baring all, I’m trying fight, I want to care.

It’s me they say, it’s down to me,

It’s harder than they think, that’s where I disagree.

There is more than one person that caused this damage,

But their gone now, deceased and have now vanished.

There’s nothing but hurt left and memories still fresh,

It’s me scarring my tissue with the courage I’ve left.

Choking my self, overdosing and punching my face,

If only I could chose differently at my birthplace.

I’d change it all, while those I love would still exist,

A life so different I’d change, something I’d untwist.

I’d love my smile to not be fake and my laugh to be true.

I just wish I was different and someone new.

I cry sore now and stare in strife

When I’ve friends fighting for what’s precious, praying for a baby’s life.

I’m as guilty as sin, i’m ashamed and a failure,

If only I could face reality and be much braver.

I ask for forgiveness and I try to pray,

I’m trying my hardest, it’s me they say.

With what needs fixes of what is damaged,

I’ll try my hardest, knowing it’s going to be a challenge.

-James Keenan


15 thoughts on “It’s me they said.

  1. This image caught my eye because I use it when words don’t work because I have agony in my soul. I have bipolar disorder and sometimes it’s absolute Hell in my brain. While this may sound cheesy, please know that you are loved and cared about. I’m so sorry that you are suffering. I will pray for you. There is always hope. Even in darkness, there is light. Believe. I know it’s very hard to. I believe in you because your writing is glorious and powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The image you used caught my attention immediately because I use it when words cannot express my feelings. I sense the agony of the art because I feel it. You words are powerful, raw, and honest. Please know that people care about you and love you. I know this might sound cheesy, but I have a mental illness, bipolar disorder, and many days it’s absolute Hell in my brain. This poem is so powerful that I’m shaking. I wish you peace in your heart.

    Liked by 2 people

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