At the time, it caused hurt and disgust,
A secret I kept to myself, wanting to burst.
I exposed my secret, little over a year ago,
thats when my mental health deteriorated and I wanted to blow…
He was an old man, a man called Anthony,
A man who threatened, my mind lost itself, and caused me great agony.
Maybe not so much then, as I thought what was happening was right,
where now that i’m older I feel guilty, I could have pushed off and fight…
An investigation that only started in regards to historic abuse,
It wasn’t light winded of someone being accused.
It occurred, it happened, he betrayed me, he hurt me bad and adverse,
I wish it was a film, and not real, something I wish I could reverse…
My mind lost itself, it deteriorated along with my health
I was over taken, destroyed, and by then, I was already out of my depth.
I feel empty and worthless and on 2nd of November of this year,
An investigation started and justice I wanted, and not a memory I want as a souvenir.
I knew deep down he’ll not be found, he’ll be gone for good.
A man betrayed as family friend, but turned out to be a paedophile in my neighbourhood.
There was hope inside that he’ll still be around, but came the 27th December,
a day that will hunt me, continuously playing in my read, a day i’ll always remember…
He has a name however a monster, a paedophile and a procurer,
Nothing less, he’ll never know the hurt i’ve had to endure.
Today I spoke while sectioned in a physiatry ward in hospital with a police constable,
with a response I didn’t want to hear, deceased and questions impossible.
My emotions are confused, I feel guilty and numb and all I wanted was him to justify.a
Just one question, i’d only want to ask, is why?
It’s with great sadness I write this poem, a man who declared he was a family friend, groomed and lured me for years, questioning me about sex and soon invited me to his house to receive a gift. Thats when it became physical. I kept it a secret for many of years until last year. I wish I had have reported it then, but even then would have been to late. I was sexually abused and I was a shamed, I didn’t fight him off, however he is gone and has been for a number of years, I just wish I had the curtesy to report it when it was taking place, rather than me feeling guilty for his actions now. I believe I wasn’t the only person and honestly believe he has ruined other peoples lifes, like he has tried to destroy mine. Today 27th December, Anthony was confirmed dead on 28th August 2014 by the Police.
I say with great sadness, I’m deeply buried in hurt and memories that has caused my mental health to strongly deteriate and I just wish he was here to answer my one worded question , WHY?