You don’t know how it is or how it feels,
An illness, I wish I could bag up, one that I wish, that seals.
You cant and you’ll never feel the heaviness of my heart,
The loneness that patters, as my eyes wake to a new start.
Why can’t I accept the wisdom of those around,
Not letting myself accept the answers I’ve found.
The world all around me seems different and changed,
Things that once were now, seem out of range.
There is days I become blind to who I really am,
Those days knowing who me is James, whereas days like today I could give a damn.
As desperate as I am, I lay and look to the night skies and find the darkest star,
Thinking of those I love close and a far.
Reaffirring my emotions and my true affections,
I’d do my usual and take my pills, close my else and dream to wake to know i’m not sectioned.
I come as me, with a little package, filled with care,
In hope to recover, through strength and prayer.
For I am good and I don’t deserve this, I ask why I’m being punished and pray for forgiveness,
But this isn’t punishment, this is an illness that for me is endless.
My body is trembling, my hands start to shake,
I feels so helpless with this horrible ache.
I’ve questions to ask, floating around in my mindless head,
But when it comes to speaking with the professionals, I freeze and act that i’m dead.
I’m not good at speaking verbally, however differently on paper, here and even through poem,
Something I hope that will help others, something I hope that will keen growing.
I shouldnt be ashamed or embarrassed,
however I don’t want to become something and my poems to become cherished.
Its just me, a man alone in this little room, embracing my illness through words.
Whether it’s fair or not, it sometimes helps, if I could express more, I post via birds.
Again i’ll mention through this poem that mental health shouldn’t be ignored.
An illness that one in four will suffer from, something that we all need to be onboard.
I want to free myself from my mind, not carry on and just pretend,
Everything may seem okay, but I’m a sufferer, a man, a human, a normal person with an illness that will end!!