LOVING OURSELVES

How do you love yourself? Self-love and self-compassion are the greatest jobs to find within.

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Finding inner peace and happiness means cultivating compassion towards ourselves. This is easier said than done of course. Self-love and self-compassion are more than just being good to ourselves, such as relaxing in a hot tub or buying nice things, although these things can help, but so can a lot more.

Self-compassion is an inner job. It has to do with how we hold ourselves, how we relate to our feelings. It means finding the strength and resilience to embrace the full range of our human emotions. It means tapping into inner resources that can meet our feelings with a gentle embrace rather than with judgment.

Being human means sometimes wrestling with uncomfortable emotions and facing the challenges life throws at us. 

There is nothing outside of ourselves that can even enable you, to get better, stronger, richer, quicker; or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.

At the same time, be proud of who you are. Recognise and accept what you are not good at, but focus on what you can do well.

Some of us make people laugh, some are good at maths, others cook fantastic meals. Some of us share our lifestyle with the people who live close to us, others live very differently.

We’re all different. It’s much healthier to accept that you’re unique than to wish you were more like someone else.

Self-love, self-compassion and self-esteem are interlinked in some way. Feeling good about yourself can boosts your confidence to learn new skills, visit new places and meeting new people.

Allowing a good self-esteem to help you cope when life takes a difficult turn for whatever reason can be acknowledgeable, however look deeper within and look at self-love and compassion. It can be the hardest job, but recognising it and practicing will be the greatest job.

Work out if there’s anything about yourself that you still want to change. Are your expectations realistic? If they are, work towards the change in small steps. Compassion means accepting ourselves as we are. It means meeting our feelings with love and gentleness rather than trying to fix ourselves or get rid of them. It means being our own best friend.

It may sound strange, but being compassionate toward ourselves also serves others. Feeling more peace inside, we have more to offer. By becoming more familiar and gentle with our own feelings, we can extend compassionate attention toward others when they are feeling distressed or challenged.

My uniqueness is my bless, my wants have worth, my presence is my power, I have the authority to create change. 

James

EXHALE AND RECOVER

A story of my life, written by Our Life Logs.
**warning contains sensitive and adult content**

Covered by ourlifelogs.com.

I grew up in the 1990s in Belfast, Northern Ireland, during the times of “The Troubles.” If you didn’t know, The Troubles refer to a nasty civil dispute that spanned over 30 years between the British and Irish in the country over religious and nationalistic differences. Naturally, this made Northern Ireland a dangerous place to grow up.

When I was eight, riots made their way to Belfast and brought angry people with the intent to cause destruction by throwing homemade bombs into buildings. Well, my family was one of the unlucky houses hit. I remember waking up to a loud crash and the smell of smoke and petrol. My mother, my four younger sisters, and I were forced to evacuate.

Meanwhile, my father was drunk at a pub. When my mother called to tell him what happened, he basically said, “Well, I can’t do anything about it.”

He left us alone to fend for ourselves. Furious, my mother left him but still allowed him to take us every other weekend. I hated visiting him because he used to tell me I was stupid and that he didn’t like me very much, and all he ever did was drink at home, or leave us kids and drink at the pub.

Me as a baby

Having left our father, my mother started drinking every day and every night, leaving me to step up as the older brother. I wish I could say I held the family together, but that’s not entirely true. In some areas I succeeded, and in others I failed. We all just tried to get by.

For a year, our family jumped from one hostel to another until we found a small flat in 1998. By then, The Troubles were coming to an end, but the trauma was irreversible. Living with that fear took a toll on my psyche, and unfortunately, it was just the first of many dominoes to fall in deteriorating my mental health.

My mother did her best raising my sisters and me alone, and I tried my hardest to be helpful. Every Monday morning, I’d collect my mother’s benefits for her from the local post office. There was always an elderly gentleman queued up when I arrived. I eventually got to know him and would look forward to seeing him as he would give me 10 GBP whenever I saw him. To a nine-year-old in the ‘90s, 10 GBP was a lot!

But then, the “how are you’s” turned into strange, inappropriate questions like, “do you masturbate?” I began to see him daily on the streets in the neighborhood. He told me that if I told my parents about the questions, I’d get put in a home and they would be arrested.

One day, the man told me about a toy car that he’d left at his flat. He asked me to come by and get it. Innocent and trusting, I agreed, and that’s when the sexual abuse began. He often tied me to a chair and forced me to touch him.

Looking back, I wish I had screamed, but in a scenario like that, it’s often fight, flight, or freeze…and I froze. This went on for six years, and he kept me silent with threats and gifts. I didn’t want my parents to go away. So, terrified, I never told anyone and the secret weighed down on me until I grew to hate myself.

When I became too old at 15, the abuse stopped, but the years of damage remained. By then, I was struggling to grow into a teenager and figure out my sexuality. There was a duality to my feelings that made me question if I was having thoughts about men because of the abuse or if was I truly curious. I hated it. Not to mention people were being called gay as an insult on the streets as it was a heavily conservative area.

I began to feel like I was contagious and disgusting. I tried overdosing on pills but I had no idea how to do it. The pills I chose just made me sick.

In 2009, in the midst of me battling all the demons that had weaved into my psyche, I was hit with another wave. I learned that my father was sexually abusing a close relative when he got drunk. I was furious and tried to get the police involved. I see the irony of wanting to report others’ abuse when I was afraid to report my own, but maybe this was my offhanded way of getting justice.

Unfortunately, my father heard that I had sought help and got spooked. He killed himself before the police got to him, refusing to face his crimes.

When his family learned what happened, they immediately targeted me, blaming me for his death, saying that the allegations were false. They turned their backs on me, and I, of course, was riddled with guilt. I felt like I was at fault for his death, and having something like that on my conscience made the dark feelings from my past traumas grow stronger. I attempted suicide by overdosing once more but failed.

I was embarrassed that I had failed. It began to feel like I could do nothing right.

I tried my best to move forward despite my mental health crumbling with each hit. I found a job taking care of old folks and I started experimenting with both men and women. Eventually, I fell in love with a woman and married her in 2012. She knew that I was bi-curious, she knew about my father’s suicide and about my childhood (except the abuse), and still, she accepted me.

Our relationship started off great, but over time, she became more controlling. She’d clock the miles on my car and freak out if I derailed from her expected schedule. Then, it grew harder when she fell pregnant only to miscarry. We didn’t talk about the loss. It simply hung in the air around our every movement. She’d dismiss my issues with mental health and tell me that it was all in my head. I began to feel trapped and depressed by the grief and control of our relationship.

Then, in 2015, I had an out-of-body experience where I was cutting carrots with a knife and had a psychotic break. I vaguely remember calling my mother and telling her I wanted to die. My mother immediately told me she was on her way. She was coming from the countryside, so by the time she got to me, I was outside in the garden in my underwear in the pouring rain. When I came back to myself, I was baffled at how I’d gotten out there. That’s when I knew my mental health was getting far worse.

Not long after this experience, my wife and I separated, and while we remained friends, I felt empty.

Then, an angel came into my life—a man named Andrew. We met through Instagram when he commented, “Nice smile,” on one of my photos. We met in person, and it was love at first sight. I told him about my mental health issues, and he embraced me. When we kissed, I knew for a fact that I was gay. It felt right, never like how it was with women. In discovering this, I came out to my mother and sisters who accepted me with loving arms.

Me, my mum and sisters

Yet even a healthy relationship can only do so much for a person still battling self-hatred and repressed trauma. It’s like a band-aid. It stops the bleeding, but the scab always has a chance of busting back open.

I started hearing voices that convinced me I deserved to die and that my feelings were punishment for driving my dad to suicide. In 2017, I tried overdosing again, and just to make sure I succeeded this time, I tried hanging myself too. Thankfully, my partner, Andrew, found me before it was too late. He helped me check into a mental health facility, but being there only made me feel worse.

Ten days later, I checked myself out of the facility and tried to hang myself again, but the belt ripped. Quickly, I grabbed a scarf and tied it to the doorknob. Somehow, the door didn’t stay shut. I failed then too. That was when I took a look at the scarf and the door and knew I needed to accept help, even if it was going to be hard.

I was sent to a psychiatric hospital where I remained for three months. The voices continued until I was placed on psych meds. The voices may have quieted but the meds made me feel numb, like a dummy. One of the only things keeping me tethered to the outside world was Andrew. Through each of my suicide attempts, he stayed by my side. While in the psych ward, he visited me and supported me in my recovery.

And and I

I knew I could completely trust him, and after years of keeping it hidden, I told him about the childhood abuse. Andrew said to me, “You’re never going to get better if you don’t report this and get closure.”

Unfortunately, and fortunately, the investigation proved that the man who abused me had already passed away. I wish I had spoken up sooner to prevent others becoming his victims, but there was no going back. Even so, I felt…lighter. Simply being open about the abuse for the first time in my life was justice I could be content with.

When the doctors concluded I was fit to be discharged after three months, I started seeing a counselor for the sexual abuse and another for mental health problems for the next year. All that was well and good, but it wasn’t until I discovered Recovery College in 2018 that I had hope.

Recovery College is a program curated to educate those struggling with mental illnesses and help them learn how to self-manage their symptoms, help others, and step back into daily life. Through them, I was able to recognize my own strength, practice mindfulness, and develop a self-confidence I’d lost early in life. They helped me see that the bad things that happened to me weren’t my fault, even though it felt like it for so long.

I was so grateful for their help, I decided I wanted to be a part of others’ recovery. I had so much life experience to pull from and I wanted it to be used for good. Through the program, I got qualified, received my certification in suicide prevention, and began teaching there in 2019. I was trained in mental health and acute emergency care, gained specialist skills in suicide prevention, and now work in the SET Recovery College as a peer support worker and tutor and work within emergency acute care within the ED (Emergency Department) when busy. I also volunteer with NexusNI, a charity that provided me with the specialist counselling to overcome the trauma of sexual violence and rape.

I also found the courage to begin blogging about my life experiences and volunteering in the community. In doing so I’ve found healing I never thought was possible.

When I look back on my life, I see how much pressure I put on myself to hold it together despite what I was going through. I wanted so badly to appear normal and perfect, but the truth is, no human is. I used to live a life of holding my breath, but now, I can finally relax knowing that the demons of my past are behind me.

This is the story of James Keenan

James currently resides in a small town on the countryside of Downpatrick County Down, Northern Ireland (the burial place of St. Patrick), where he works as a suicide prevention specialist and writer. Growing up during The Troubles which led to his house getting bombed, James’ life started out rough and continued to be rough including sexual abuse in his pre-teen years, his father’s suicide, a messy marriage, and struggling with his sexuality, which all led to major mental health problems and many suicide attempts. It wasn’t until 2017 that he got the help he’d been needing for years. Since then, he has recovered and learned how to manage his depression. He is now employed in the Recovery College. He is also working closely with other charities and has dreams of starting his own charity. James believes that his biggest achievement to date is fundraising for a Cambodian NGO and twice visiting to build three houses, a toilet, and repairs on other houses previously built—and, of course, having managed his own mental health while helping others through their recovery, trauma, and preventing suicide within his local community.

This story first touched our hearts on June 22, 2019.

He likes to write poetry in his free time and plans to write his first novel soon. He is grateful for his partner who has stuck by him through his recovery and loves him despite his affinity for oddly designed socks. He remains proud of his sibling and says his dear nephews are the apple of his eye. He plans to focus on his future with Andrew, adopting children, travelling, and marriage. He also hopes to start his own business, create his own charity, and focus on writing a novel.

James in Cambodia

| Writer: Kristen Petronio | Editor: Colleen Walker | https://ourlifelogs.com/2019/08/01/exhale-and-recover/

GRATITUDE

What is gratitude, how can we use gratitude, do you practice gratitude?

Gratitude is a quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. It’s not just gifts though, it goes far beyond that.

Gratitude, thankfulness or gratefulness is a feeling of appreciation felt by positive responses. The experiences of gratitude has historically been a focus of several world religions, with it being a topic of interest to ancient, medieval and modern philosophers.

Through life, appreciation is recognised as something valuable to you, which has nothing to do with its monetary worth, however what about the affirmations of goodness, the good things in the world, gifts and benefits that we’re all receiving.

Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” —Zig Ziglar

The source of goodness are outside of ourselves, that we acknowledge through other people, those people who gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.

Grateful living is a way of life which asks us to notice all that is already present and abundant from the tiniest things of beauty to the grandest of our blessings – and in so doing, to take nothing for granted.

We can learn to focus our attention on, and acknowledge, that life is a gift. Even in the most challenging of times, living gratefully makes us aware of, and available to, the opportunities that are always available; opportunities to learn and grow, and to extend ourselves with care and compassion to others.

Grateful Living is supported by daily practices, tools, habits of the mind and behaviours that can be learned, translated and applied to many aspects of our lives. It is also nourished in community and in relationships.

Small grateful acts every day can uplift us, so why not make a difference to another persons life, whether it be big or small. Random acts of kindness are beautiful gestures that can comfort you or the receipt.

Why not make time for someone you don’t know, maybe make a donation to a charity or bring freshly baked bun to your local emergency services. Offer your kindness to family and do something nice for a friend.

Gratitude for the gift of life is the primary wellspring of all religions, the hallmark of the mystic, the source of all true art. ~ Joanna Macy

Each morning I wake up, I thank the universe for giving me another day, allowing me to stretch using all my muscles, allowing my lungs to help me breath and giving me another day to use all the abilities to get me through the day ahead.

I walk through nature giving gratitude to the sounds I hear, the smell of the summer grass, and appreciate the trees. I’m grateful for the shade and the daylight and I share my thankfulness to our weather, whether it’s warm, cold or wet.

I thank my guardian angel and archangels for keeping me safe and listening to my troubles and answering my prayers. I share my gratitude to everyone who deserves kindness, being everyone though especially to all those persons making a difference, hospital staff, employees, friends and charities.

I’m grateful to have the love of my partner, to have a man who accepts me for being myself.

I’ve had the worst upbringing, however it’s made me the person I am today. I show gratitude for the strengths and courage history has brought me. I show gratitude to the universe every single day keeping me steady on my feet and bringing my all the joy I receive.

Gratitude can change the outlook on your past, brings peace for today and can create your blessings for tomorrow.

The benefits of practicing gratitude are endless. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, gratitude is personal to each of us, but it’s all controlled by the same sources.

I’ve added this list of gratitude gestures which you can do over one month. Give it a shot and come your second month, it will be like you’ve been doing it for many years.

– James Keenan

THE SECRET

The Secret is a book and television documentary, written by the fantastic and beautiful Rhonda Byrne, based on the law of attraction.

The law of attraction is a tool that can be used to help change your life. It can also invite positivity into your life and by simply believing in yourself, you can change your mindset by the way you think and react. This in result broadens your core values, ethics and beliefs, whilst accepting the law of attraction this will guide you through the universe to create a destiny for yourself.

In order to become a master at manifesting the law of attraction, we have to undo the patterns that have been stored in our unconscious mind and replace them with positive, empowering patterns. In other words, we need to rewire our brain.

You can begin by implementing daily positive practices in our lives, we will shift and raise our energetic vibration so that we can manifest from a place of calm, inspired action yielding a faster result. If you get into the habit of using tools that will insert empowering and positive thoughts into your mind, you’ll be poised to produce good experiences and results!

You can start by paying attention to what you you need to focus on. Do you pay attention to what’s going right or what’s going wrong? When you’re working on manifesting your dreams, challenges will arise, but when you focus on what’s right, you become an incredible problem-solver, which builds confidence and quickly raises your energetic vibration. You will be able to move through obstacles quicker without worry of challenges.

You can practice by using breathing exercises and techniques using your belly and not the chest. This type of breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest), which helps produce a sense of relaxation and contentment and allows us to be calm and clear when taking inspired action.

Meditation is a huge advantage to use if you follow the law of attraction. Meditation can be used in a spiritual format or simply during relaxation and yoga. You can practice anywhere at anytime. Meditation helps us withdraw attention from stressful, negative patterns we’ve created over time. Practicing can be a huge benefit and has been known to change millions of peoples lives. It can improve your sleep and guide you through wellness and recovery.

Move your body whatever way you want, do what is most comfortable, there is no right or wrong way to sit when meditating, manifesting your vision or practicing the law of attraction. Negative emotions are stored in our bodies on a cellular level. Moving is one way to release stress and negative energy. It doesn’t have to be intense; you can dance, practice yoga or go for a walk. It’s as simple.

Get yourself a journal, write how you want, but practice gratitude. Gratitude is one of the simplest ways to raise our vibration. When we recognize our great fortune and appreciate all our blessings, it automatically puts us in a “feel-good” energetic vibration. Writing your goals will not only help you get clear, but will help you create inspiring actions towards your dreams.

My favourite part of manifesting my thought process is reading my goals that i’ve noted in my journal first thing in the morning and before going to bed at night. I allow myself a little headspace to visualize and connect with the feeling of achieving my dreams. Feel like you already have what you want. It’s as easy.

You can practise whatever way you want, however I would strongly recommend finding headspace, meditate beforehand and believe in yourself. This is my practice.

You can only be the best version of yourself, you are the only person who has the power to create your own destiny. Be brave, smile and know your worth!

– James Keenan

Whatever feelings you have within you, are attracting your tomorrow.

Worry attracts more worry.

Anxiety attracts more anxiety.

Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness.

Dissatisfaction attracts more dissatisfaction.

And

Joy attracts more joy.

Happiness attracts more happiness.

Peace attracts more peace.

Kindness attracts more kindness.

Love attracts more love.

Your job is an inside one.

To change your world, all you have to do is change the way you feel inside.

How easy is that?

Practice, Practice, Practice.

– Rhonda ByrneAuthor, The Secret

MY HOPE TO INSPIRE

By sharing my experiences and beliefs, I hope I can inspire at least one person by giving them hope.

Hi Guys,

I wouldn’t say I am a fully pleadged blogger, professional and making money, i’m just a casual guy who is an amateur blogger sharing his story through words inspired by his lived experiences.

To an extent I will say unfortunately, but I can now see the positive impact of having a mental health illnesses by awknowledging my growing strength and believing in myself, having self respect and embracing courage.

When I first started blogging, I had some ignorant people share their opinions on mental health and suicide, commenting abuse under my posts. These persons and their their input slowly began to affect my want to express awareness.

I deleted blog after blog and started again, changed my name and shared what I felt is important to me. I do understand that a persons opinion is allowed and I fully respect that, I believe in having a right to express opinions however when opinions turn to abuse, it becomes a different story.

It hasn’t been all bad, it’s been powerful over the last couple of years sharing my lived experiences and allowing strangers to connect with me.

Receiving messages of gratitude admiring my bravery, showing courage and creating an awareness is a real joy that leaves me inspired. Reading such comments makes blogging worthwhile publishing.

At the beginning of my blogging journey I had always said if my story was to be shared and only one person was to read it and learn from my mistakes and errors and embrace courage, in sharing my story and showing courage is most definitely a story worthwhile sharing.

The statement that is often repeated in my blogs; “I hope to inspire others, like others have inspired me”  is a statement I strongly believe in and hope that I can inspire at least one person.

My hopes are realistic, I will not be able to inspire millions, but I write from the heart and writing about my life experiences is a method of managing my own recovery in a therapeutic manner to overcome a past of negativity, trauma and pain.

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller

James Keenan