MY HOPE TO INSPIRE

By sharing my experiences and beliefs, I hope I can inspire at least one person by giving them hope.

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Hi Guys,

I wouldn’t say I am a fully pleadged blogger, professional and making money, i’m just a casual guy who is an amateur blogger sharing his story through words inspired by his lived experiences.

To an extent I will say unfortunately, but I can now see the positive impact of having a mental health illnesses by awknowledging my growing strength and believing in myself, having self respect and embracing courage.

When I first started blogging, I had some ignorant people share their opinions on mental health and suicide, commenting abuse under my posts. These persons and their their input slowly began to affect my want to express awareness.

I deleted blog after blog and started again, changed my name and shared what I felt is important to me. I do understand that a persons opinion is allowed and I fully respect that, I believe in having a right to express opinions however when opinions turn to abuse, it becomes a different story.

It hasn’t been all bad, it’s been powerful over the last couple of years sharing my lived experiences and allowing strangers to connect with me.

Receiving messages of gratitude admiring my bravery, showing courage and creating an awareness is a real joy that leaves me inspired. Reading such comments makes blogging worthwhile publishing.

At the beginning of my blogging journey I had always said if my story was to be shared and only one person was to read it and learn from my mistakes and errors and embrace courage, in sharing my story and showing courage is most definitely a story worthwhile sharing.

The statement that is often repeated in my blogs; “I hope to inspire others, like others have inspired me”  is a statement I strongly believe in and hope that I can inspire at least one person.

My hopes are realistic, I will not be able to inspire millions, but I write from the heart and writing about my life experiences is a method of managing my own recovery in a therapeutic manner to overcome a past of negativity, trauma and pain.

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller

James Keenan


TINY FEET

A POEM OF A FATHERS BROKEN HEART 💔

Every time I look at a twinkling star,

I believe it’s you saying hello from afar.

My little baby girl it feels like years.

Now you’re my angel wiping away my tears.

Life was just beginning with no heartbeat heard,

I missed out on what should have been special and forever shared.

You gone so quick it was if you vanished,

My chest ached and my heart demolished.

I sense you’re around and hope always near,

I feel you closer through prayers and tear.

Though we didn’t meet in person, i’m sorry we had to part,

I just wished I had the opportunity to hear your little heart.

You stopped breathing and two eyes closed to rest.

God broke my heart to prove, he only takes the best.

It’s unfortunate what directions our lives take,

On each anniversary my eyes fill up and I feel that heartache.

I listen for your tiny feet in the patter of the rain,

It’s with gentle drops of angels tears that takes away my pain.

You may be afar, however I did name you Skye,

A place I can look up to, when I want to talk or cry.

– James Keenan

JOY AND HAPPINESS INSPIRES OTHERS

A poem of joy and happiness to inspire others alike.

I’m thankful to those I love and care,

It’s those that hold me when I’m in dispare

The warmth of their cuddles, their kisses and hugs too.

It’s fills me with warmth and feelings so new.

With a network of support from professionals and those not,

Makes me feel secure, something i’ve learnt to adopt.

Whatever happens within the centre of my chest,

My mind may not be great, but my heart knows best.

I’m not saying by all means, it works for all.

But for me personally, i’m smiling and standing tall.

We are different in many shapes and forms,

For me it was strange, as if I was drying in a thunderstorms.

My life isn’t great and nor is it perfect,

I attempted suicide in fear I’d be seen as a weakening reject.

I’ve grown to think it’s normal when it’s not,

I woke up in the garden thinking I had lost the plot.

So my advice to you; be brave, smile, speak up and don’t pretend

Otherwise like me, you’ll suffer and apprehend,

Stand your ground and don’t be bullied,

Stay strong and show your worth with a good deed.

Through words and experience I hope to inspire,

I pray for a persons hope that doesn’t expire.

With love, experience and use of my expression,

Through truth and hope, there’s no such thing as perfection.

Don’t fake smile and pretend to be okay,

Just be you, live and love, through each shining day.

Through days of blue, just be yourself and pick your colours

For its through joy and happiness that inspires others.

– James Keenan

WHO INSPIRES US?

A little about my inspirations, family, boyfriend, managers, friends and those famously known. Who is yours?

How often do you reflect on life and ask yourself “who inspires me”? How often do you reflect on gratitude? Who is your biggest hero? Do you have a favourite superhero? If you could be anyone who would it be?

Maybe it’s your parents or a celebrity figure who inspires you, maybe your biggest hero is your beat friend or a musician and maybe your favourite superhero is Captain America. Gratitude may even hold the gift for allowing you to inspire other people.

Here is my list!

My biggest inspirations are my Sisters. They are all incredible in their own individual ways, showing devoted love, laughter, strength and commitment. The 05 (Siblings and I call ourselves this) and are closely knitted and led by truth, security, compassion and overwhelming love.

I have three awesome friends, all Australian and we all met in Cambodia.

1) Jason, a pen pal from Perth who moved to Cambodia after a volunteer stint at a local NGO called Volunteer Building Cambodia (VBC). He loved his volunteering experience that much, he moved out to Cambodia and started working for the organisation. His loyalty, personality and his kind soul made me want to meet him all the more after years of writing. I have travelled out twice, spent four birthdays together and he became of my best friends. He is still in Cambodia and has took a journey starting his own NGO helping the LGBTQ+ community. He inspires me in many ways and I look up to him for inspiration.

2) Marjorie – Jason’s Mum who I met during my visit whilst she was visiting Jason in Cambodia. We hit it off instantly, by goodness I have never laughed as much in all my life until this beautiful woman came into my life. Her soul is gentle and her amazing attitude inspires me every day to be more like her and life outlook as a mum, grandmother and friend is something incredible.

3) Alana – we met whilst volunteering at VBC and again we hit it off instantly. If I wasn’t married at the time and confused over my sexuality, this girl would be my wife. Her outlook, kindness and overwhelming caring personality speaks a million words, through her actions alone. Her smile makes me smile, her laugh makes me laugh, her stories makes me want to tell stories. A beautiful soul inside and out. Alan came to Belfast and surprised me just before New Year in 2016 and it meant so much she made her way across the world and stopped by for a few days proved how special she is.

Who is my hero? It’s got to be the one man who has shown me the world by simply existing in mine. My dearest Andrew, a man I love and adore so much, a boyfriend, a companion, a best friend and my entire future. Andrew came to Belfast on a work project and we met over social media as friends and we met up and hit it off straight away. Andrew helped me identify who I really was and most of all, who I wanted to be. I am proud and overjoyed to have Andrew in my life. He saved me in so many ways and I am forever grateful for his love, care, support and loyalty. I found happiness when I met him, I feel complete. He’s my life. He’s my all.

Andrew & I

I’m thankful for the kindness of these powerful women who sit closely in my heart for the work they carried out, the love, care and positivity they showed to each person who crossed their path. Gratitude and kindness at its truest…

1) St. Mother Teresa a lady gifted with positivity, a person who gave hope to those suffering in poverty. An individual who prayed with the lonely and held the sick as she whispered prayers into their ears. I truly believe if Mother Teresa was alive today, the world would be a better please with her powerful words of wisdom. She’s now more well known since being canonized as a saint in 2016 and her famous quotes are echoed across the world. Mother Teresa a woman who I’d chose first to be a friend.

2) Princess Lady Diana, once a member of the Royal Family being the first wife to Charles, the Prince of Wales and a Mother to Prince William and Prince Harry. Lady Diana became the people’s Princess and was a lady who wore her heart on her sleeve. Her soul was beautiful and her generosity, her positivity and kindness was never overlooked. The Princess was well known for her charity work in the UK and abroad covering Mental Health, Cancer and those who battled with HIV/AIDS. She helped raise funds, spread awareness and reached out to those who admired her, needed her prayers and more importantly she stop and listened, spoke the truth and was admired for her honesty and dedication to our society.

3) Sir Richard Branson, a man I’ll forever look up-to for inspiration, advice and guidance as an a business man or in a role of management. He is a man with a heart, someone who respects his employees and his attitude towards life is simply magical. His businesses and enterprises, his private life and working life, his long heard stories and quotes simply make me smile. I hope to open my own coffee shop and travel the world. If Sir Richard Brandon can do it, then so can I, what a legend!!

What about my superhero? Who is my favourite? I have loads I love, but it has to be the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, I mean come on, who wants to climb buildings, study on the ceiling of your bedroom and swing across the city from building to lampposts? Ah, me?? A legend, a great superhero and a fantastic watch as well as read.

Finally, let’s talk about me? All these persons above, friends, family, partner, famous faces and superhero are all awesome but do you know who inspired me the most, who I think is the real superhero, who I show gratitude towards, who is my hero? It’s got to be myself.

I’ve had some rough journeys throughout my life, some moments I wouldn’t want to relive, however i’m a firm believer that my past doesn’t define who I am and I will stick by that, but it has proven strength, courage and hope. I’m proud of me, I inspire myself and if I can face up to the demons of mental health, then surely that makes me a superhero? Well let’s pretend for now.

Stay awesome guys, reflection is good!

– James Keenan

LOVE IS LOVE!

“LOVE IS LOVE” is a story about exploring my sexuality and coming out to the world! 🏳️‍🌈

It takes a lot of courage and bravery to open up and be yourself, however my experience has been harder than what I originally hoped for.

I’ve felt as if a chain has been tied around my neck and it has been dragging behind me for so long, stopping me from being the person who I truly want to be. A person I truly need to be!

It has been an uphill battle, but indulging in courage, allowed me to be more brave accepting who I am as a person.

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I have my reasons for publishing this piece of writing, it’s on a personal level however I need this platform to express my true self.

It may come as a shock to some, but not many. I don’t feel the need to inform each individual of my identity and I don’t need to show my identity off, but what I do need is not only to tell those important to me, but telling the world seems to be my release of self expression and exploring my own emotions and sexuality. I need to do this for me!

Yes, I’M GAY!!

I have been in a few relationships with girls, one teenage sweetheart, another couple of girls which started of as relationships and soon turned out to be casual hook ups.

I matured, started working and soon met a girl who I fell for. We travelled, had our own home, got engaged and married. We were together for eleven years, married for three and unfortunately we miscarried our first baby.

I always found girls attractive and shared about my experimenting antics growing up, experimenting with both male and female, but I was accepted from the beginning of my relationship and later marriage.

I came out to my family as bisexual in 2015, which wasn’t of any surprise to them. I felt like I was that tiny bit lighter, but not completely.

My marriage ended due to personal problems away from the truth of my sexuality, but soon after I did find love and this time it was more powerful than any other.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I thought I knew what true love was before, but it was soon clear it was to be felt for the very first time.

I met a guy online, who contacted me complimenting my smile and asked if I fancied a coffee. He was Scottish and over in Belfast on a work project and was looking for some friendships.

I had lost a great deal of my friends growing up due to different reasons, so I thought why the hell not.

It was as if this Scottish bloke was sent for a reason, it was love at first sight. I felt completely different to anything I have experienced before and instantly I knew. Everything changed, it was like fate.

Today, I’m very happy with my Scotsman Andrew and it’s safe to say we’re madly and deeply in love.

It just feels right, my life feels complete and the man who walked into my life is the most beautiful, caring and sweetest man with the biggest soul. It’s Andrew and I from now on, he is my future.

I have had time to reflect about life, me and my sexuality. I know being gay doesn’t difine me as a person and being sexually attracted to the same sex doesn’t make me any less of a man. I’ll love whoever I want, it’s an emotion I can’t go against. I’ll grown to accept love is love.

I will forever to continue to follow my heart and explore this beautiful feeling of love. I’m being true to myself and from now on I no longer need to hide. I am what I am, i’m only human.

“To be courageous enough to the best version of yourself is the biggest success you will ever succeed” – James Keenan